Image: Pixabay lenalindell20
When I was small and faced with a plate piled with the over-boiled cabbage I detested, my grandmother always told me to eat it first… get rid of it… so I could enjoy the rest of the meal… and to save my favourite bits till last. Like many of the things she told me, I never forgot that advice. She was right too; doing it that way means there is always something left to look forward to… even when life gives you cabbage.
When there is something we really don’t want to do there are, on the whole, two ways of handling it… other than simply getting on with it! We either dive in head first or put it off as long as we can. I prefer to dive in. It isn’t always pleasant but it has its moments and at least the worst is out of the way.
But sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I put things off, whether through distaste for the job in hand or fear of the possible unfolding of a train of events I cannot predict… or through the fear that I can foresee all too well the consequences of initiating action. Yet the consequences of action are seldom half as bad as our imaginings, and even the worst task will eventually be over, leaving, hopefully, a sense of satisfaction as we stand back and regard our handiwork.
The trouble is that procrastination of this kind can be contagious, spreading, once begun, like a virus to other areas of our lives. Speaking for myself I know this happens sometimes. I avoid one action, finding, to begin with, perfectly legitimate reasons why I ‘can’t deal with it right now’. There is a letter I have to write, another job to prioritise… I’ll do it later… tomorrow perhaps… And maybe I will. Or maybe I will find yet another reason for ‘later’, reasons that quickly degenerate into excuses. And that is bad enough, but next I may find that my avoidance of the main task has spilled over into a kind of lethargy that infects the rest of the day, or I may manage to remain hugely busy, or so it seems, and yet still achieve nothing of what I know I need to do. I doubt I am alone in that. I hope not anyway…
When I realise what I am doing, I have to stop and think. I need to know why I am allowing the situation to continue without dealing with it. I may simply be feeling lazy or tired and that is okay. But there are a number of other things that can cause us to avoid a task.
What is it that can make us put things off when we know that getting them done and out of the way will lighten the load and make life easier? The longer we delay these things that worry us, the more they snowball, adding pressure to whatever it is that is making us avoid them in the first place, setting up a vicious circle that eventually harries us into anxiety.
Sometimes there are valid reasons; pain, depression, illness, fatigue to name but a few. But often it is simply our imagination that holds us back. We paint a mental picture of the horrors of the job ahead, whether it is cleaning the oven or making that awkward phone call, and then add to it multiple scenarios of what might go wrong or what the possible consequences might be and then fear comes into play, freezing us like rabbits in its headlights of our own imaginings, even if we choose not to call it by that name.
We can, however, use that same faculty to break the stasis and get moving. By imagining the clean oven, for example, quietly sparkling away while we put our feet up… or the relief of having made that phone call we’ve been worrying about that is no longer hanging over us like the fabled sword of Damocles. By doing so we acknowledge the presence of whatever is holding us back, and quietly take the control from its grasp.
With every step we take in our lives, we have the opportunity for growth and change. Change will happen whether we take conscious control, or are blown like a feather on the breeze. How we embrace those changes is always within our control. These days, I am rather fond of cabbage. I think of my grandmother and smile… I still eat the cabbage first, but only so it won’t go cold…
Oh gosh,I can so relate to this,Sue. But, thankfully I am a ‘cabbage eater’ – in other words, I get rid of the difficult tasks first so I have something to look forward to. x
I prefer to be, Judith..but sometimes it doesn’t work that way. x
Lovely sentiment Sue!
Thanks, Penny.
Reblogged this on The Militant Negro™.
Thank you.
Procrastination. An endless debate and conversation. Your post gives solid reasons to ‘just do it’, and also hope. Your grandmother must have had a wonderful sense about her for you to take heed and and follow. Sounds like practical + loving.
My grandmother had a gift for love, I think.
🙂
There is also the suspicion that there are things you need to try that will fail. You have every reason to expect them to fail, but sometimes, you are obliged to give them you best try anyway. But then — they fail and it is depressing and sad and you have to figure out what to try next. It’s not always a project. Sometimes it’s the funding for the project that’s the problem … or the materials. A third party needs enlisting — but you can’t enlist them. They aren’t interested.
But I have to try, right? I don’t have to be happy with the results.
The possibilities are endless… for success or failure, Not all things are within our control. But the trying matters, as do the lessons we can potentially learn from however things go.
I love cabbage, so it’s not a worry, but when it comes to food these days, I leave the stuff that is bad for me until last, the logic being that the good stuff will fill me up first and I won’t want so much of the bad. I am guilty of putting things off, especially things like decorating! I hate being untidy or living in a muddle.
I don’t really eat enough as a rule to worry these days 🙂 As far as the house it concerned, I feel better if things are tidy…
Reblogged this on Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog and commented:
Great advice from Sue (and her Grandmother) 😀
Thanks for reblogging, Chris. 🙂
My pleasure, Sue – the generation before us were very wise 😀
They were. Wonder what our grandchildren will think of us? 😉
Your grandkids will revere you, Sue 🤗
Mine are more likely to join me in mischief 😉
THAT is why they’ll revere you 😄😄😄
I can handle that 😉 😀
I must be a cabbage eater too, for getting rid of unpleasant things will always be a priority in this house!
I cooked cabbage for my son today… He was dubious about it, till he tasted what I’d done with it. We don’t always get our fears realised 😉
Personally, I love green vegetables…
So do I 🙂
You could have been writing about me, Sue, especially the part about it splling over into a kind of lethargy which affects the day. With me, it’s usually about a piece of writing – an article, the next chapter – and something on Yadadarcyyada’s blog made me realise it’s partly to do with fear of not doing a good enough job. If I don’t finish, I don’t fail. I’m trying positive thinking along the lines you suggest. People do like my articles/book, the editor wouldn’t commission it if I was a rubbish writer… Sometimes, it works.
I think that fear of ‘don’t do, can’t fail’ affects a lot of us, Mary. I try and remind myself that a glorious failure is a lot better than the regret of ‘what if’?
You’re not alone, except that I’m so good at visualizing that clean oven that I imagine it’s already done.
I find that not cooking helps 🙂 After a lifetime of cooking proper meals for others, I’m quite enjoying being a culinary slob for a while 🙂
Oh I hated it! my mom used to do it with rice so bitter!!!
I always ate the stuff I didn’t like first too! Lima beans and beets. Yuck. Ha ha. Great advice in here, Sue. I rarely procrastinate but when I do I learn one of two things: that the job wasn’t as bad as I expected or by delaying I made it worse. A no win. 🙂 Best just to dive in, get it out of the way, and not have to think about it. Great post.
Thanks, Diana… as you say, it is a no-win situation. Much better to put your feet up at the end of the day knowing the thng isn’t still dangling over you 🙂
There is so much in my life that I do not wish to face. Yet as you say the knowledge that there will be a relief, however brief , when the bridge is crossed or that mountain scaled… I am not 100 % striding forward but neither am I a feather being blown hither and dither. I also now like cabbage.💜
‘Liking life’s cabbage’ gets you halfway there already, Willow 😉
It certainly does 💜
<3
Stuffed cabbage is really the best. Somehow, you can deal better with it when you tuck it in with the sauce.
Yes I like stuffed cabbage too 💜
I’m not sure I have ever come across stuffed cabbage 🙂
Your grandmother was a wise woman (I think it’s in your DNA, too). 🙂 I tend to procrastinate, but mostly with housework. 😀
I believe that procrastination with housework only shows our minds are busy elsewhere 😉
I think I’ll use that excuse in future! 😉
😀
I can so relate to this story Sue. Thanks for sharing your inner struggles. We all have them. <3
We all have our own demons…including the ones that are fuelled by intertia…. x
Such truth! 🙂 xx