And then I dreamed…

I spent the night with friends… more socially distanced than any pandemic ruling could possibly require…. and I’m tired. I didn’t sleep as much as I would have liked and spent a lot of the night tossing and turning. That is not as contradictory as it might seem, for it was when I did doze that I spent the time watching those I love wander across the screen of dreams. Though that is not quite a true depiction. I was in there with them.

I dream vividly and in colour and was surprised when I learned how many people don’t, though apparently with the demise of monochrome media that is changing dramatically. Which raises some interesting questions about how our minds and perceptions are, quite literally, coloured by our environment.

Be that as it may, my dreams have always been vividly and graphically coloured and I feel them as reality while I am dreaming… and honestly, there are some you really wish did not feel quite so real…

Last night, however, it was lovely to see and to hold those who are distant in time and space, to talk with them and smile with them, hear much-loved voices and share the small things of every day. Most I recognised, though there were others I knew that I have known and loved, although they are not part of this life’s story. Waking each time, as I wavered between the worlds, brought a sense of both warm gratitude for that touch of presence, and a hint of loss that it was not ‘real’.

Yet, it was real, on its own plane, and in that moment. It was only on waking that the change in my mode of perception traced that dividing line. It was real as I felt the touch of minds and hearts, the embrace and warmth of those long departed or far away. Dreaming opens the doors to meet across the miles, or to be once again with those who have departed this world to a place where we may meet in joy, just as we would have done in life. These are not old scenes replayed, but new interactions.

What does it matter if they are not ‘real’ if they touch the heart and call up the deepest emotions? If such a meeting still fills you with joy and gratitude when you have woken, and it is real enough to change your world and your day.

Beliefs about the world of dreams vary widely, from soul journeys outside of time and space, to a simple working out of events and psychological details by the brain. Did it matter to me, while I dreamed, whether my brain was constructing images or if my soul was flying free? Not a bit. I was just happy to be with those I love.

There is no past tense here… even for those who are no longer in the world. Love does not die when the object of it is no longer beside us. It remains and is part of us always. It may be filed away, gently wrapped in the protective gauze of memory, but it is still part of who we are. Part, perhaps, of what makes us who we are.

I cannot help thinking of all those people who, as they approach the end of their lives, speak of loved ones being there to welcome them to the other side. I remember my great grandmother, close to death at one point, yet sent back, she said, to complete her tasks for this lifetime, telling us how she was a young woman again as she met my late, great grandad in a sunny field. It was not what she expected, not what she believed… but she smiled like a girl when she told us.

With my own end being pencilled in for ‘sooner’ rather than ‘later’, and with the restrictions imposed by COVID keeping so many people so very far apart, spending time with loved ones is more important than ever to me. And whether or not these visitations in the night have any reality outside of dream, their presence I can see only as a gift.

Whatever thought and logic might bring to the question, today I will walk with that touch of love in my heart in spite of a restless night. Although I glowered at the dawn through frustrated and heavy eyelids, when I rose from my bed it was with a smile on my face and the glow of a lifetime of love, given and received, to carry me through the day.

48 thoughts on “And then I dreamed…

  1. I, too, have always dreamed vividly and in color. Some dreams linger — others fade with the dawn.

    If you think of the body as an image on a TV screen, and our minds watching the drama play out, we have a chance to take our focus off of the image, see each other in our true, spiritual, forms and interact with those who are always with us.

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  2. I love dreams of loved ones. It doesn´t happen often but when I do dream of my wonderful dad, I always wake up happy. I often dream of my children as I haven´t been with them for over a year and it will most likely be two years before I can. My dreams are very vivid and in colour as well.

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  3. I dream vividly of old jobs, old relationships and old acquaintances. None have a place in my life now, but the memories are there. Some of my dreams are so real, I wake up crying because it was, only a dream. Dreams of my parents, and more recently Maggie, are windows to their world where I can look, but not touch. The warmth is there though, the caring, the love, their presence. I reached for my Dad’s hand once, and he backed away gently, shaking his head saying ‘Not yet’ and another time when I was dozing in a hospital waiting room having been taken there by ambulance due to chest pain, I thought I saw him behind a curtain, watching and smiling. I believe there is something ‘after’, that we will join our loved ones and be whole again. I hope when my time comes to pass over I will be received and embraced in love.

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  4. I have been dreaming of people I worked with – and these are far better dreams than I was having in January. I hope they continue. I even woke up and started writing!
    I think sometimes our loved ones really are with us when we need them. I’ve certainly felt a presence in time of need.
    Sending you hugs, and joy in your meetings with loved ones.

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  5. Amazing gift to be able to pop over to another dimension and see loved ones. It only ever happened to me once that I can consciously remember, some 30 years ago now, but I still remember how it made me feel after. The glow stays within. ❤

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    1. There does seem to be a difference between simply dreaming’about’ people we have known and being touched by their presence while dreaming…and it shows in how it leaves you feeling. Whether we see that as being down to our own reactions and needs or down to the true touch of love? I am not sure it matters… the love is still real and with us ❤

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      1. So true Sue. And sometimes difficult to explain. I think it’s that something that happens that is sometimes inexplicable, but most certainly leaves an indelible print on us. ❤

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  6. “Love does not die when the object of it is no longer beside us. It remains and is part of us always.” I so agree, Sue. Even after more than 40 years since her passing, my dreams of my mother are as vivid and so ‘real’ that I regard them as true, in-person visits. We can never be sure if this is fanciful, a figment of our imagination, or a bonafide universal connection that transcends space and time, and it matters not a jot to me. ❤

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  7. Oh Sue, what a beautiful post!! I have read it several times already and I will be reading it several more. I am sorry to say I am not someone who dreams frequently. My mom did and she always shared them with me. Interestingly when I was first diagnosed and I was still in hospital, I dreamed one night of my mother, grandmother and some of her sisters. It was very comforting and I am sure they came to me to let me know I was not alone on this journey, that they were with me and sharing their strength with me. Thank you for sharing this story ❤️ Its message is very meaningful and profound.

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  8. I found so much truth in this post. I now dream often about my parents, grandparents and friends who have died. I wondered if it was because I am getting really old, but maybe you are right – the pandemic has opened my sleeping mind more.Occasionally I do dream in color but not a lot!

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  9. ❤ ❤ – – there are times when my brain and body and soul, work through fighting off illness through restless, weird worlds and sometimes, nightmares that awake me in a cold sweat – – there are times when I collapse into exhaustion and sleep deeply and only awake with distant cobwebs that I greedily grasp at – and destroy through grasping, the desire to hold onto the 'webs' for just a tad longer – but then, whether good night's sleep or not – no matter how early I went to bed, how often I awoke as I plaid hopscotch between worlds, there are always – those blessed and beloved moments when I walk between multiple worlds – that defy any reason upon scrutiny in this world upon full wake of the brain/analyzing portion of me AND defy any need to make sense of it while it is happening (I usually lucid dream – which i, too, thought everyone did, until I 'learned' from some brain trust report, few do – – I dream in color, I often know I'm dreaming, in the dream but rarely want to wake myself up, etc..) and well? To me? No matter how it comes about – it's why, for me, the veil between worlds doesn't just happen on All Hallows Eve – – and once my dream world, (and I confess! my reluctance for swift or forget it journey back to this world has always been true?) – well – my dream life, no matter how it shows up, is what opened my eyes to the dimensions of time/space in the everyday moments of my reality – to see them for what they really are – – the moments that defy all reason, time or space – and well? I hope to visit you in my dreams – or yours – – just because – there? dancing in the moors – – laughing at each other as we build a wine cellar in your back yard – – tooling around your stomping grounds as you show me the sites you love – but most of all, when one or the other of us say, "shh….look! over there!" and the veil is lifted for both of us and I KNOW! 'Woot! Woot! here, for this moment – it's real no matter what, because I get to experience with Sue" – thus – see you in my dreamland – because your writing and correspondence made dreamland of my own, everyday reality for me, when I had lost it – – LUB (luv u bunches!). ❤

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