Four letter word

stonehenge 003

“Who do you love best?”

I overheard a conversation between mother and her small child and remembered my own sons asking me this question when they were very small. I imagine it is one many children throw at their parents and we reassure them, almost automatically, that we love them the same. It isn’t true, though is it? We may love them equally… in fact, I think by the very word love we are assuring them that we do, but we don’t love them ‘the same’.

Have you ever stopped to think about it? Such a small word for such a range of human emotions! The love we have for parent, sibling, friend, child or lover is always different. The colour of love may change, but it is impossible to quantify and all its colours, like those of the spectrum, blend and merge to make a love that encompasses all. There is no loving more or less… it simply is. There are no two loves alike, just as there are no two people identical, not even twins. Everyone is unique and so are our relationships with them.

We can like someone more than another, we can relate to them better, we can feel that odd attraction/repulsion that can be so strong… we can apply all sorts of other emotional overlays, both negative and positive, to the relationship; respect, sympathy, compassion… and all the rest. We can prefer the company of one, know light-hearted laughter with one friend, share an interest in books or butterflies with another, feel tenderness towards a child or a lover, fall hopelessly… or hopefully… in love, or burn with the flame of passion. We can be dutiful as children, loyal as friends… We can even find that miracle that seems to complete us. Or we can love in the hope that love will be returned. So many aspects to something both so simple yet so very complex it seems, yet it is the foundation of every human relationship by its presence… or absence. And it is such a small word.

The Greeks did it better… Four words instead of four letters, each with its own distinct meaning. Storgē is the love that accepts, and the love for what is. Philía is affection, friendship… the love for family, something to be shared. Éros, usually understood as the sensual and physical passion, falling in love through attraction and without thought, the desire of the senses. Yet Plato saw it as more than that… through the perfection of the physical form and its attraction he saw a pathway for the soul to remember beauty and through it find Truth. Agápe, the unconditional, selfless love that seeks nothing… only to be; the spiritual love for the Divine, or the purity of love for the child.

While we use that four-letter word so often, we seldom think about what it actually means and when we are asked ‘who we love best’ we give the answer that reassures. We do not stop to ask ourselves if we love our ‘best’ or could love ‘better’. Not in terms of quantity for I do not believe love can be measured, but in how we love and what we give… or seek.

Looking at the meanings behind the Greek words is revealing. In them, we can see a pathway to something more. In learning to accept what is, to love life without judgement, recognising both the good and the bad for what they are, what they might be or what they can teach, we could learn how to move through the world creating change. Through sharing… being able to give and receive what is given in friendship and affection… we can open ourselves to life and become part of a wider family, learning to understand the nature of love as we did as children, in innocence and trust. In seeking the beauty that sings to us, that embraces our whole being body, heart and mind, as deeply as we would a lover, we find a place of beauty within that simply wants to give love. It is enough. And when love ceases to seek anything in return it comes close to the Divine.

It is such a big thing, this little word, and we may all mean something different when we use it. It has become an everyday word used lightly… or it can be the deepest gift we have to give. It challenges us, holds up a mirror, breaks our barriers and sometimes our hearts. It can leave us wide open to hurt, yet to live it is to know the greatest joy.

39 thoughts on “Four letter word

  1. I have spent most of my life hoping to find proof of this small but powerful word. Witnessing it in others has never quite managed to convince me of its true existence… I am hoping that I will recognise it should it ever bite me…

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    1. I find your reply so sad, Jenanita. I am sure you are loved by someone; surely you have loved someone? If not, I am wishing it for you , although I’m a simple soul with no special powers. But wishing for love is a step forward not back. Hugs xx

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  2. Sue, this is truly lovely. I remember my siblings and I asking our mother that same question. Then my children asked it of me. I love the way the Greeks differentiated the various types of love. It would be so much easier if we could do the same. 💕🤗💕

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  3. I always remember someone saying to me that he felt enormous pressure every time his girlfriend said ‘I love you’ usually in company and clearly expecting him to reciprocate. It made me think carefully about when and where and how often I said those words, as they are too precious to be treated a throwaway line. It has many forms as you say, and each one is wonderful to explore.

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  4. What a splendid discussion of the word, love, Sue. I agree with the many forms and have felt each one of those at one time or another. As I’ve gotten older, the word has become more fragile as I see how others interpret the meaning. One thing I know, we all need more love in this world. ❤

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  5. A beautiful post, Sue. I’m partial to the idea that if we cherish the exchange of love, it is something that we can mindfully practice and become better at. Do we love our ‘best’ or could we love ‘better’? That’s a profound question. Everything that matters to us can be practiced. We can always become more mindful about the things we love and love to do.

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