During the Silent Eye’s annual workshop this April, we engaged in a discussion about fear. There was, I believe, a general agreement that the ultimate fear most people, if not all, harbor is the loss of the individual as a separate entity. We fear the obliteration of the self as we know it, because we learn to believe that there is a self separate from the Source that is all things. How can the self be separate, but whole? Or is the self that is separate really whole? The illusion of separation allows us to feel special and different from other living beings. It feeds the ego’s ideal of superiority, or at least a sense of uniqueness.
The other day, while walking in the woods back in New Hampshire, I thought about how what we fear the most is also what we most long for. It is ironic in some ways, but it also makes perfect sense at its essence. The example of the loss of self in the form of a part of the body came to my mind. I thought about the phenomenon of the phantom limb, which is felt by the body it once belonged to, and still does, in essence. For the reverse is also true, as seen with organ transplants. Patients who receive foreign hearts, for example, often experience personality characteristics of the donor after the transplant. The cell always carries the memory of its home.
A home that extends, ultimately back to its source. Our bodies, made from the elements of Earth, carry the memories in our cells of their origins. Our souls, in turn, have a memory of the Source of All. We carry within us the memories of both as home, and all the “homes” and “mothers” that we experienced throughout our lifetimes. Which leads to the longing of the self to return to that union, even though we become somewhat used to the idea, or illusion, of separation. Confusing that longing with something else.
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Beautiful post. You are not alone in your thought process. My daughter had a heart transplant, it’s been almost four years but this past June we had a scare. Her heart went into shock out of nowhere. Lauren was placed on the ECMOT machine, her heart function was down to 10%. The good Lord was watching, she pulled through it after two months in the hospital. I just published my book “Strength in a Heartbeat”, Diary of a heart transplant. It was a journal I wrote in while living in the hospital close to 18 month waiting. I published it to help other families that are or were living in the hospital waiting for their gift of life. I also started a website http://www.strengthinaheartbeat.com a forum for people to connect in the transplant world, to let them know they are not alone.Please check it out. Feel free to write a brief story of your transplant experience. God Bless Scott and never stop fighting. Lynne Robitaille