I get side-tracked a lot. As if something was tugging at my sleeve… The blog was initially designed for thoughts on the school, but half the time, all that happens is that I talk about my dog. You may have noticed.
Not that Ani isn’t worth talking about, of course. She is an education all in herself. She is currently teaching me acting and patience… Acting because she deserves an Oscar for the look of pathetic starvation as she rests the tip of her well-fed nose delicately on my knee and gazes at me with longing. Patience because she knows very well that if she waits long enough, she will get the Jaffa Cake… The fact that there is a growing damp patch of drool spreading across my lap just adds to the insistency.
There is something about a pair of big brown eyes gazing up at you adoringly and pleading…
Ok. She won. I’ll have toast instead… I can happily give the last jaffa cake to a being so loving and so quietly persistent.
It is that expectant gaze that does it, every time. The consciousness of her eyes on my every move tugs at my attention and I have to acquiesce.
She’s not the only one at it though, as through every moment of the day, and most of the night, there is an unignorable pulling at my mind and heart, continually reminding me of another love to which I am committed. Where once I could happily curl up with a book and lose myself in a new world, or pick up a brush and create my own, every moment, spare or otherwise, my mind turns to the work of the Silent Eye and, more importantly, what lies behind it.
There is so much to do. And it is a joy… as the three of us, Steve, Stuart and myself, work to build something we believe in.
For myself, it doesn’t matter whether I am driving or wielding the duster, ostensibly wallowing in the steamy luxury of a bath, or tackling the supermarket… thoughts of the work in hand occupy my mind. I am either refining some idea or planning the next, constantly seeking ways to weaving our own strange web of myth, magic and common sense around what the school teaches, bringing the spiritual life and the ordinary, everyday world together.
There is a pressure behind it. Not the kind one gets when there is a deadline to meet…though there are deadlines too…but the kind of pressure one generates by building a dam in a mill race, where the surging water accumulates until it finds the most permeable point and rushes through unstoppable. It is no use trying to plug the gap with mundanity, the torrent will find a way through, washing away any blockages at it goes and eroding barriers until it finds a clear path.
It too has a patience, It can wait a while if It has to. But when the time comes to act, the force is irresistible and one is swept up in the current.
When I finally gave in and Ani had eaten the last Jaffa cake, she snuggled close and gave me a cuddle. She will take all I have but offers so much love in return. And she would still snuggle even without the little cake, for a dog loves unconditionally.
The heart of the School holds an even greater Love.
I have, therefore, no fear of giving It my every last crumb ……