Making assumptions

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It wasn’t much, in the greater scheme of things, but I was unaccountably angry. Not much I could do on the far end of a phone, but even so… the incident had hit a tender spot. It wasn’t even my story this time, but, like most people, I have been on the receiving end of it often enough and it never fails to ‘get my goat’. Even worse, I have been as guilty of it as anyone. It is a very difficult flaw to avoid, based, as it is, in some of our oldest instincts for survival.

“You should not judge a book by its cover”… or so the saying goes. In the world, of books, however, we all know that the cover is the first thing you see and the first thing likely to make you pick up a completely unknown tome. Scroll through an online bookstore and you will find yourself dismissing what may be excellent works, simply because the cover does not catch your eye or appeal. If we stop to think about it, we know exactly what we are doing… but we still do it, unconsciously passing judgement based solely on appearances.

Initially I imagine that the snap judgements we make, based largely on visual signals, was a safety mechanism. After all, who wants to get up close and personal with, say, a sabre-toothed tiger, before deciding it might not be very safe after all. You would want a bit of a head start before running, and the sooner you can judge a potential threat, the sooner you can run. We still use the same mechanism for safety today, judging the speed of cars before crossing a road, for example. The physical signals that keep us safe must be acted upon instantly, leaving little or no room for thought.

The mechanism has been extended to people too. There are other signals, some invisible like the sensitivity to olfactory messages so faint as to be undetectable and some are intangible and unquantifiable, like gut reaction and empathy. You usually know when you meet someone who will have an impact on your life, whether they ‘give you the creeps’ or you instantly warm to them. Eventually, your emotions become engaged at some level or another, beginning with reactive emotion, but open to the possibility of higher emotions, just as  unconscious reactions  can be informed by the conscious mind.

Those first, instantaneous judgements are almost involuntary reactions to stimuli perceived. They are made before we have time to bring knowledge, logic or experience to bear on the moment. We are not consciously responsible for the flags that are raised at such times. Where we do have a responsibility is when we then fail to step back and take a look at what we do next.

We are also responsible for those judgements made through prejudice. Often the prejudice itself goes unrecognised, disguised as something it is not, or is hidden beneath ‘good intentions’. It may have its roots in culture, era or personal background…and sometimes it stems from that overweening arrogance that simply feels itself superior to others. Most of the time, we don’t even realise we are doing it, but every time we do, it leads to dismissiveness, distrust or condescension at best.

At worst, it is an expression of racisim, sexism, ageism, classism, intellectual snobbery, disability discrimination… there is an endless list of ‘isms’ and terms for our negative judgements, and the sweeping, inclusive judgements that are allowed to blanket a whole section of the community in our eyes are the worst and most dangerous.

We never meet a community. We meet a person. Even if we are introduced to a whole assembly, we still meet each one as individuals. There is an instant where there is nothing else but that first contact between two people who know nothing at all of each other except what their senses can tell them. We will almost inevitably begin to categorise unconsciously and make certain broad assumptions about each other, based on our knowledge and experience of life, yet those assumptions are very often wide of the mark.

It is just as likely to be the ‘yob’ in scruffy denim and leather that helps a young mum with a pushchair onto a bus, rather than the guy in the business suit. The Rastafarian plumber who shows up to fix a leak is as likely to teach you the true beauty of the human soul as the preacher in his pulpit. It may well be the tramp to whom you give the price of breakfast who gives you the greater gift. And yes, those were lessons learned through experience and each has their own story.

I was angry when I took that phone call because of the assumptions that had been made based on how a person is automatically labelled in the mind of another. The assumptions had doubtless been made with the best of intentions too, but they were wrong, applicable only to the averages within a generic label, not to the individual concerned; a situation easily avoided by the simple expedient of getting to know the individual person beneath the all-encompassing label. Discrimination should be brought to judgement. It isn’t all that difficult to take a moment to look into someone’s eyes, maybe share a smile, and let them open the box of surprises that is another human soul.

20 thoughts on “Making assumptions

  1. A very true piece. You are correct we all make assumptions especially when dealing with all the technological issues we have today. We rarely get to see the person we are dealing with, so assumptions rear their ugly head. I try not to, I try to say “I know this is not your fault, you just got the call.”

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  2. A wonderful piece of writing. Loved it! I especially liked your last sentence because it “packages” the whole concept so nicely. We are not, and never will be, perfect in this regard but we can certainly get much closer than we currently are. It just takes recognition of our shortcomings, and the desire to improve. Great Post.

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    1. Thank you. I doubt if it is possible to take all judgement out of any encounter, but we can at least be conddcious of what we are doing… And hopefully bring that consciousness to bear on how we treat people.

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