“So what is there to fear in that?”
“Well, I’ll stop existing!” he said, as if that should explain it.
“But if you don’t exist… you won’t exist to know about it. So why be afraid?” I watched the wheels turn, yet even in acceptance of the logic, there was a kickback of ‘yeah, but’. I, of course, am convinced of the survival of the spark of being… not necessarily the ‘me’ I know… perhaps more of ‘me’ than I know, yet not the me who walks through life daily and looks out through brown eyes. Not the personality.
I have the best of both worlds, so to speak. If I am right, then there cannot be a reason to fear. If I am wrong, ‘I’ won’t exist to know about it… so there can be no reason to fear.
Dying, that’s a different kettle of fish altogether. I admit that I fear the manner in which the Reaper comes calling. In an ideal world I would die like my great-grandmother… in her own bed, surrounded by her family… compos mentis and fully aware of what was happening and how. But the world seldom delivers ideal situations and like most people the manner of transit sort of matters. But death itself holds no terror…. No more than birth and just as inevitable once the process of life incarnate has begun.
“It is dissolution you are afraid of?”
“Yep.” Now, you see, for me there is a subsuming into something greater than our individuality, a loss of the personal self, perhaps, but that personality is only a fragmentary reflection of what we are.
“Ego death.” My interlocutor bristled at that… the connotation of the word ‘ego’ raises spectres of selfishness, yet it should only raise the idea of self centred being. No, he wasn’t going to like that either. A being who looks out at the world from its own central point of focus then.
He growled a disclaimer, yet that is what we fear when we fear death. Dissolution. The loss of who we see ourselves as being now… the only aspect of self we really feel we know. This is what most of us fear when we think of death rather than dying… and probably why we avoid the issue so much in our modern, egocentric society. We view death almost as the ultimate robbery, a violation of who we are.
It wasn’t always thus; once the dead were honoured and their transition seen as just another rite of passage. The bones of the ancestors were kept and venerated, the presence of their spirit welcomed at the hearth; their wisdom, gleaned over a lifetime and beyond, revered.
It is hard to get our heads around the concept of our own ‘not being’; the dissolution of our personality is quite literally unthinkable… how to imagine a state where thought, emotion… we…are not? There are many who attribute the belief in some kind of survival after death as simply a fear-reaction to that unimaginable oblivion. Yet for many of us there is a simple certainty that there is more to it than that.
Yet does it truly matter… whatever we believe, unless we believe in all the tortures of the various hells, there should be no need to fear. And regardless of what lies beyond the gates of life, we still have to live each day in the world as best we can. Perhaps it doesn’t matter what we will meet then, so much as it matters whether we have lived our lives as if they matter… because every single life does; in our uniqueness we shape the face of the world with every breath and we owe it to ourselves and to each other to make each breath count.